bugsgosplat

Be a paper plane or a paper boat?

No this isn't just some random question it's actually a social comment on how people take on obstacles and life situations.

Paper plane people = They are not afraid to soar high and not afraid to fail either, they need something to pick them up again and soar higher.
Paper boat people = Want to go with the flow, they need other people to push them for encouragement and perhaps are afraid to stand out.

Isn't that interesting? =] I thought it was...

But being a paper plane myself, I thought about why we as human beings are so afraid of freedom...Its true, we are constantly putting obstacles and restrictions on our lives. Just for one second forget about any financial, physical, mental and emotional restrictions, any expectations, any guilt, without any obligations, and without the need for an explanation, forget about not having the certain talent, or it being too expensive, and ask yourself this:
If you had total freedom to follow your dreams and your heart, what would it be?
I want to travel the world and then go to Saudi Arabia and buy all these expensive spices and create a beautiful home with rich carpets and gold plated floors, then I would love to speak French ^_^ and become a Broadway star.
But of course as soon as you think of this answer your whole mind rejects it, I can't do that, it's too difficult, where am I going to get the money?

But as a wise man once said, "Life is not a dress rehearsal", you see as humans we often sell our freedom and replace it with obligation. So why can't we soar? Why can't we just embrace our dreams? Lose your inhibitions and fears and be the paper plane.

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now!"
- Goethe

Isn't it strange how people act around each other? How different they can be individually and then how completely opposite they are when in a group.

Take for example, our group at school. There are so many great personalities all sitting together...but I find they are better when they are not together. Not everyone of course, however, some do tend to stick with certain people, which makes the rest of us feel as though we are "not with it" and intrusive to their private lives....especially when its topics that don't include everyone.
Its almost as if there's 7 little groups in one big group. But maybe this is just because we all change when we're around people and also depending on our moods that greatly affects how we interact with other people.

Its weird. but basically I live two separate lives, like a spy (except not as exciting!)
There's the Danni in her drama group - the one that's not afraid to express herself
and the Danni at school.
Danni at school - quieter, more reserved, observes and is more reflective (perhaps because stressed from assignments and generally change of characters)
Danni at Drama - light, free, bubbly, happy, creative.

I sometimes wish that I could always be that bubbly creative person I so love to be, because that is the true me, the raw me without all the social standards.
But at school it seems with different people I change within myself. I'm a follower, just following but never really  speaking. Not expressing what I like but instead listening to problems.


Tomorrow I think I'm going to try and be like the Danni at Drama.

And so it starts again, around and around with no end.

Edward makes an intrusive return as Delilah fixes up her life without Oliver. Oliver resumes his positive disposition and keeps on keeping on with his surroundings enjoying a festive return to sense and social occasions. Eliza and Henry prepare for the month ahead together keeping in touch and warm spirits are up, higher than the clouds so it seems, as Eliza is seemingly oblivious in ecstacy.




OMG last day of holidays tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!
>.<!

Happiness....Happiness....Happiness....Happiness

What is Happiness?

Rather than being a massive feeling over a massive situation, I think happiness is the smaller, finer, things in life all sown up and stuck on top of each other in a disorganized symphony:

1) My friends when their all laughing together, truly satisfied
2) The people who play music in the middle of Queen Street and the street entertainers at Southbank - the Charlie Chaplin Guy, or the random metallic people, even the artist slowly dying from the paint fumes, for me create the culture, the atmosphere, the laughter.
3) Sunsets and sometimes Sunrises
4) The cute guy who smiles at you on the train
5) The people protesting and fighting for their causes
6) The general helpfulness of people, whether your lost or if someones tripped over
7) My acting class, a place to express and encourage those around you
8) Muffins!
9) The smell of my fathers cooking
10) The hilarity of the neighbourhood dramas
11) Watching your favourite corny movie
12) Playing with your cats or pets


These are some of my favourite things...





See. There some happiness in the world around you.

Delilah softly watched over the cruel circus that taunted her. She laughed at their attempts and victories in gaining her attention...however her only focus is her torn and guilt. Earlier that day, Oliver was talking to her, casual, but nice, he was although quite erratic he provided her with less guilt and compliments. Eliza was weary of this attention and felt it did not suit Delilah so. But possibly ignored it, to keep things harmonious.

As the circus act ended Delilah amused herself by going outside, knowing exactly what she might see, but unsure of what to expect from it. Eliza of course would shake her head in despair to hear this, but she was with Henry and was not easily distracted. Delilah turned a corner and refreshed herself at the distinguised basin. Standing up straight she looked around but concluded that there was nothing to expect. She walked softly out, unnoticed by the clowns and strangers around her.

"Fancy seeing you here" called out the familiar voice, Will stood beside her ever-so casually and cooly for the second time that week. She talked breifly and turned away. She was satisfied. However, he followed and sat behind her in the iron plated tent. And with a glance she swore she caught his eye...

Introduction

Delilah shouts in her head 'NO MORE!' and bathes in the sweet temptation Edward offers. She soaks it up, passion absorbing into every pore. Edwards smiles at his achievements, she completes his secret lust. He makes her scream.

Oliver looks out into the gloomy sky and feels on edge, he had been waiting for so long. His patience and sweet temper disappears and he trudges along the day until he receives her news. Just as he had expected....he answers her coolly and calmly, not to hint what he's really covering up. She see's through him immediately but he refuses to speak. So she leaves it. As does he. His well mannered and good friend, Eliza, enters next to him and puts her healing hand on his shoulder she whispers sorry and shakes her head. However much to the knowledge of Eliza and Oliver they were slowly observing the horror of a new situation taking place...but not between them.



NEW STORY ^_^
(oh btw the first part isnt meant to be sexual haha)

Totally the title for my future book!

Ha, so we, meaning all year 11's, are currently participating in Work Experience, here we discover what its like in the 'real world'...scary buisness...but not really after three days I have currently uncovered the following about adult life:

1. Bus drivers and rude and will shout at you if you a) forget to take the ticket or b) try to look for change....hmph.

2. The peak of pressure in a Graphic Design Studio is in the middle of the day where many phone calls are recieved and the radio is turned up to drown down all the whining customers....I <3 them.

3. Its funny seeing others in uniform and them thinking your grown and proper it makes you feel some what superior.

4. Others treat you differently when they think your an adult, either that or they just look at you funny as you pull out your concession card...

YAY! work experience BOO! public transport.

But its not all bad I'm really getting into Pride & Prejudice on those long bus trips...and here starts my original train of thought of a story about a teacher, a group of students, a family and something absurdly wrong....but not really.
Imagination = Amusement.
And the dressing up bit is a definate plus


*pulls out heels*

To say three simple words...

"I love you"

Requires the most common difficulty in human nature. In my nature to be more precise.
Of course, for some it comes easily; falling in love at a easy pace and uplifting them into a higher state of emotional and mental levels. Which is....beautiful. And they easily utter the sweet words between kisses and whispers of adoration....mmm maybe I'm being a little over-romantic...

But too me...to love someone...(and there's no doubt that I have...on separate occasions fell "in love" with someone...as i'm sure you readers would have read about)....and too say those three little words...well its hard.

Am I afraid of getting let down? Disappointed? Used? Or am I just questioning whether my feelings are "right"...criticizing, analysing.

Or perhaps this fault of mine is really....the fear of getting intimate (in the psychological sense) with a person.

Well if that really is the truth and I suppose it might be given the past history, then I guess my partner has to wait patiently until I return those words...however uncomfortable and irrational they may be to me.

YAY I FOUND THEM!

Thats right I now am in possession of TRANSPARENT BALLOONS!
And they look great which completes my art assignment ^_^

Funny day at the Academy factory. In a moment of staring up at the ceiling filled with stage lights and natural lighting, red metal bars and black iron casings I feel somewhat contemplative and look around my space with my fellow acting passionistas only to realize that I feel....accepted.

Its not that I'm not accepted mind you. However, during 11am-2pm every saturday I feel the most accepted. I feel that I can express my emotions and thoughts and desires and beliefs without being critcally analysed, ignored or sighed at. Perphaps because its the saftey net environment in that everyones there not to be judged but to be free and break away from themselves.

Perphaps this is the only thing I can possibly look forward too.

Talking to older people also has made me realize how valued friends actually are when you leave school, how amazing life is, and how many fantastic people you meet. I just can't wait until everyone has gotten over themselves and who-said-what and "omg shes a bitch" and just fucking LIVE. Get out there and start living.

Some bizarre incidents with my fellow persons....

*Ti and Ly are squabbling"
Ti: "IT DOESNT FIT!"
Ly:"Duh! It's a pen!"
Bugs: "hang on I just heard that last bit" O_o

And apparently I have a retarded bee running around my brain.....

*walks past sign*
Brain Bee Challenge
"Ha. Thats like saying, in my brain theres this bee thats challenged *mimics retarded bee*"
"O_o"

The Prankmisterssss

Bugs: *mimes "Did Ly notice the white out yet"*
Ti: *mimes back "haha"*
Bugs: O_o *points to Ly*
Ly: *stares at bugs*
Ti: *cracks up*
Ly: "O_o what are you doing?"
Bugs: *smiles innocently*
Ti: *continues to laugh*
Ly: *notices pen* O_O!


THE END.

So now she looks around at the circle of trust. But who can she really trust?
The person who might accidentally let it slip.
The boy who tells her number one every word of trust she speaks.
Or the one who will be of no help to me in the next two weeks.
She screams,

"Well. I can't really trust anyone can I?"

Obviously not.
And now he knows.
Tears swell and fall cascading down her cheeks. Because it was all just a test in the moment of weakness. And the boy failed. So she thinks now its time to deal with the aftershock. Now her number one feels like crap. She feels like crap. Apparently she was going to dump him anyway so it's no big deal.

She laughs.
And cries.
Then laughs again. But only in a moment of perversity.

So you make fucking mistakes...

Because thats what you do as a druken ridden teen.

And you regret them. so so much.

But then people decide that no thats not enough not only do u regret them but you can't forget about them!

Not matter how much you try and move on with your life.

Then they think it's in their right to tell people about it.

So then they tell your current boyfriend about your past liasons.

And now.

Well now you have tears running down your cheek because you feel so violated. and now your boyfriend considers you a whore.

I hope your happy.
Bugs.

And now for something completely different!


My New Obsession is....



Cow Bells.


No seriously...
I love the sounds that they make! And if you can use them in a song (use it well mind you) then your pretty much a bit of a legend! I want one heaps, however not sure on how to go about finding a state of the art cow bell, going up to acne prone clerks in Bargain city and saying

"hey um can I purchase a cow bell?
I don't have a cow..but recently it's my obsession!"

seems like a little bit of a social fax paux...
So where an earth does one purchase such a product?
Please let me know! I'd really like one in my bedroom just there because really every bedroom isn't complete without one! And I'm sure they have many uses such as calling for people, annoying neighbours, destroy boredom and hey you never know I just might make an award winning jingle out of it...well unlikely but I can dream!

So yes a new found love in a shiny metallic finish!






Please assist in finding one for me!

BUGS!

Oh joy! Well the pain is subsiding well enough now that I can afford to write in my lovely live journal.
Now, we have a list. No not a listless list, that would be somewhat stupid. BUT an actual list documenting my past "holiday".

6 Doctors
1 Physio
1 Acupuncturist
1 Naturopath
2 X-rays
1 Blood Test
1 ECG
2 Exercises
1 Pork Bun
and soon to be added an MRI

Mix it all together for about 3 and a half weeks plus countless Panadine Fortes and trips to the doctor what do you get?

Scoliosis in two different places and Food Poisoning.

Soooo it wasn't a very fun autumn break this year, but never the less you just need to keep on...keeping on, as written in my grade 7 end of primary school year book. Very encouraging simple words of wisdom, however at age 12 it didn't really program much in my brain as it was pretty irrelevant at the time. And so dear reader I have kept on keeping on!

And now I have found out after going through the Australian Health system, that really its just a big black hole filled with instant gratification and long term problems.
There are some benefits to it of course, however I am now strongly convinced that healing oneself should be as natural as possible.
Because really that's what we are designed for, not chemicals pumping through our blood streams. And after a few acupuncture sessions and some herbal remedies in 2-4 days they cured my food poisoning, which the doctors at the hospital suggested I should have invasive surgery in my small intestines which, if you've ever gone under the knife, would know takes about a month to recover from the surgery alone.
Now, I'm not necessarily saying western medicine is "evil" or "bad" as it has saved my life once before, but I do think people should have a bit of nature into their lives. It's not all black and white, in that if you pick one path of health you have to follow it strictly or you simply depend on one way, because similar to a lot of things in life, you need to find a balance.


Over and Out.
Bugs

The 7th of April.
Day one of new relationship.
And Counting.
I LOVE LIFE!



Love from Bugs

Well. So far after reviewing past journal entries its safe to say my romances thus far as captured on LJ are nothing more of fail. Or failing. Until now...
After being single for 4-6 months and "going out" with numerous men. Searching, hoping. I think I might have found that said special...
Yes...I'm giving up the single life for now....for something a little different..thats right you hear me. I'm going for a "relationship".
Usually the word brings on shivers...im not much of the relationship type, preferring the single life of "keeping my options open" many would deem this superficial or a tad indecisive...but really it's not....it's just having a little fun and enjoying life and seeing where it takes me.
But I think over the pass few days chemically infused hormones have been taking over my mind and now I'm starting to question this certain life style choice....

Maybe I should give this a chance?
See where it will take me.

So I leave my wonderful heart open and let nature take its course.
And I can't wait too see him again.

A VERY happy Bugs.

Mad core day with one of my #1 people!

So skipping the confines of the classroom I eagerly awaited on platform 9 and 3/4...well platform 3 actually, but 9 and 3/4 sounds way cooler and from Harry Potter.

..

I ventured out towards DARRA! But stopped at Indro, a place Green Eyes goes too very frequently as he assures me:
"You must know the locals"
"Sure I do, hey *random name*"
And no, I did not get lost. As I usually do. So after having our milkshakes we then head off to the cinemas to see none other than Step Up 2.



Well...
It was pretty good. Although we both agree there was too much dancing at the end...but thats what you expect from a dancing movie! After the movie we bumped into numerous marist boys, with their "boyfriends" and all that, most assuming that we were together which we quickly denied. Pfft boys...
He then proceeded in teaching me how to create a very flimsy paper hat, which Brent pointed out was what he was OCD about. I think I agree =P.
However, all good things must eventually come to an end *emo tear*
 
And after roaming around and listening to great music in HMV we departed, where I slowly returned to my house and automatically went into "Holiday Mode".


HELL YER!

over and out.
Bugs

The Hospital.

Is really really ugly. So we spent 6 hours in emergency, I've seen 4 doctors and they still don't know what the fuck is wrong. Not knowing how to control the variables is one thing....but not knowing the unknown is another.
When you're waiting all you see is a white blank wall...and really thats how your feeling thats all that your thinking -blank, white- Your body is cramping and twisting and you cant control it. They give you injections and the pain withers away. But it comes back sharply. Brutely.

Then you must realize that this is a life lesson. On your threshold. On your mind. Because pain comes in many ways emotionally, mentally, physically. Many people will go through life lacking the physical, many the emotional sufferings weather they be greif or heartache. But I guess at the end of it all you have to realize all pain is the same...no matter how uncomfortable...no matter how long it lasts...its up too you in the end. Just you..other people can only take you so far.

The waiting is ugly. The universal questions are uglier. like Why me? How come? But you just need to get through the uncontrollable variables...one day, one hour, one second at a time.

-Bugs.

So I might have a hole in my lung

Not fun. Might have risky surgery.
My body shakes and quivers in pain, I start to see black, drugged up and over heated.
I remember last time I was in a hospital...I was just saying the other day how it reminded me of a Haunted Mansion.
It's what you see. what you hear. and what you feel.
When your all by yourself alone. People dying next to you, your own spirit barely there. Oh please god not that place again...

Should I try bargaining?
Should I be angry?
Should I deny it?
Should I be meloncholy?
Should I be fearful??

Or maybe should I just accept...accept the fate....whatever that is....